Well I have flown one in the sense that I have spent time on the simulator. I should also possible consider re-titling this as “Aircraft I have crashed”.
The Berkshire Belle is always on the look out for things that I will enjoy, and had bought me a variety of tools, kitchen utensils and gadgets over the years, so a session on the simulator flying an airliner seemed an excellent gift. And it was, mostly.
I have had a go on a full sized simulator before, twice in fact (I have also spend many hours on various PC based flight sim packages, but I don’t count those; they are more about mastering the package than real flying). The first of these was in a Space Shuttle museum and involved landing the Shuttle. I have two goes and wrecked twice, stalling just short of the runway on both through getting too low too soon. The other experience was in a Chance-Vought Corsair from WW2 in which I shot down a number of enemy aircraft without them getting me. This seriously pissed off my son and his friend as I easily outscored them.
What could go wrong with flying a jet airliner simulator with an instructor alongside me? Well quite a lot actually. I had a choice of flying from and to anywhere, or could just do landings, take offs or whatever, the session was paid for and the aerial world was my oyster.
My choice was to fly from Miami to Tampa, a trip that I have made several times in B737 and B757 aircraft, albeit always as a passenger. My problems started after pushback when I had to use the nose-wheel steering to taxi. This is done with a small wheel down by the side of my left knee (I was flying from the left hand seat), and which moves forward for right turn and back for left. It was a bit hair trigger and whilst weaving along the taxiway might be OK in a taildragger, here it was not.
On the runway threshold we did the pre-takeoff checklist and, having got clearance, turned, uncertainly, onto the runway. I had to use the bloody nose-wheel steering until we had picked up enough speed for the rudder to become effective too, so the initial take-off roll was none too good, but we got airborne soon enough and, from my side window, the sight of the Miami shoreline was very recognisable.
Coming up on Tampa we made a Northerly approach, and I was very much at home seeing the road network in those parts. Our approach started about ten miles out and all was fine until contact was made with the tarmac in such a manner that I wrecked the thing. Three more attempts all resulted in the same outcome and I was somewhat demoralised.
My instructor told me that we had a little time left, so why didn’t I try something more interesting? Like a chequerboard approach onto Kai-Tak? Reluctantly I agreed and so we took off from the new Hong Kong airport and lined up for the old (one of the joys of a simulator is that you can do things that you can’t in real life).
I made that sweeping right turn around the high-rise buildings and there, all of a sudden, was the runway. I levelled off and landed, being quite surprised when the simulator had me rolling down the runway. I turned off at the designated exit and taxied back towards the terminal: I had landed the thing (though there was probably a large laundry bill from the passenger cabin).
Quite how I failed to make three straight in attempts at Tampa and yet succeeded in making one of the more difficult landings I have no idea, but I faced the three hour drive back from Shoreham with an element of satisfaction. I would quite like another session, this time focusing on landing the thing. Kai-Tak was a fluke, and I accept that, but I should be able to manage a straight in approach. I regret not discussing with the instructor what I had been doing wrong but, if I did, I have no recollection and so would like to have more tries.
Maybe I will.
driverjohn 
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